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Today The Mist Was Thick With Wonder

I caught up with an old friend today. It's amazing how healing human contact can be, especially when in the presence of somebody who has been where are are now. We walked up a hill that we live near, conversing until we reached the top. The weather was overcast with fog plaguing the landscape. Whilst overlooking the opaque white that was shielding the view we spoke about life. Specifically our futures. What we want to do, what we think God is doing in our lives and how we are coping with the present. I for one am not. I'm not really coping. I graduated from University in the summer, moved back home and then... just freaked out. I realised my friendships at home were nonexistent, I don't have transport to leave the house and my self confidence was and is, at an all time low.

I don't want this post to be all doom and gloom, but I do want it to be honest. There have been some very dark times these past few months and I continue to have the daily struggle of waking up, getting up and focusing up. Some days I convince myself that I'm okay, others I just crumble.

The difficulty for me was knowing that I never wanted to be a graphic designer - or at least not what the job description has become in recent years. I never wanted to created logos, adverts or brand businesses. I never wanted to design social media campaigns or market designs for an audience. To put it simply, I couldn't give a crap about that - but that's for another discussion. Not being able to see ahed of my life has really paralysed me. It's forced me to take baby steps again (I'm a big fan of baby steps) trying to press on with the simple things. But sometimes even those are overwhelming.

So when we stopped, looked out onto this blanket of fog, I couldn't help but see the significance of this day. Although cuss words have become my default greeting to love's mystery, mother earth and father sky were showing me that it will be okay. Just because I can't see it does not mean I have no future. They are here helping me get there and they are already there waiting for me on the other side. It's a hard hope but it's a real one.

So... here's another bit of word play, a poem from the hill.

"Today the mist was thick with wonder.

A thoughtful prayer was spoken as earths vapour descended.

It was my future.

I was blinded by nature, unable to see the distance,

but knowing it was there,

knowing it was beautiful.

And, in a length of time, it will be seen,

once again.

Yet there, the mist forbid me to even glimpse.

I don't know how, or what, or when.

But I know I will wait until the right time.

Until, little by little the fog rises,

and I can see a narrow path leading me



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